


Rick For A Day

by Vituperative_cupcakes



Category: Rick and Morty
Genre: Doofus Rick Being Sweet, Fluff, Gen, WAFF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-23
Updated: 2015-08-23
Packaged: 2018-04-16 18:47:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4636212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vituperative_cupcakes/pseuds/Vituperative_cupcakes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Doofus Rick returned to spend some time with the Smiths.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rick For A Day

“Hey M-M-Morty, open your eyes, it's a new day!”

It wasn't so much the voice itself that was cause for alarm, it was the tone. Happy. Not the strap-on-your-hoverboots-and-get-ready-to-hide-this-up-your-ass happy, but happy-happy.

Slowly, cautiously, Morty opened his eyes.

Rick had somehow gained an unattractive bowl cut and goofy teeth. Crap. He was probably the victim of some kind of...stupid...ray...or something. Rick was also smiling, a chilling sight. He was holding a pan of brownies and wore an “ _I <3 the Smiths_” teeshirt beneath his lab coat.

“Are y-you hungry? 'Cause I made some brownies, Morty C-137. I was hoping to spend a-as much time with you as I could today.”

Morty took one long look at Rick.

And yelped, “DAD!!!”

Jerry burst in the door, wielding a hockey stick.

“-stayawayfrommysonandmyweedwacker!” He took one look at Rick and gasped, dropping the stick.

“Rick?” he asked.

Rick, instead of spitting on him, flung his arms wide open. “Jerry-bear, how ya doing?”

It was Morty's turn to gasp as his father threw himself into the embrace, which Rick returned with interest.

“What the hell is going on?” Morty moaned, “is this some kind of crazy alien parasite again?”

Jerry was sobbing quietly into Rick's lab coat shoulder. “I thought you were never coming back.”

“Aw, Jer.” Rick was quietly patting his back with the pan not occupied by the brownie pan. “You know I can't stay away.”

Morty bounced his gaze between them. “O...kay, I'm gonna get...go...go get some...eating...”

 

“–so while your Rick is occupied, the council of Ricks sent me to be your Rick! Isn't that great?”

The family, with the notable exception of Jerry, were still staring at him.

Doofus Rick grinned, displaying his buck teeth. “Boy, these pancakes are amazing Beth. I mean, th-they look exactly like flying saucers.”

Beth nodded, desperate grin on her face. “Thank you? I mean, your Beth probably makes them all the time.”

Doofus Rick was suddenly downcast. “N-no, actually. I don't...there's no Beth in my dimension.” He perked up a little. “They did give me a Morty, though! So I've had plenty of practice for hanging out with the Mortiest Morty!”

Morty was chewing his cereal, masticating it like it was trying to get away. The hand holding the spoon was shaking.

“S-so you're sure th-this isn't some secret prank Rick is playing on us?” he asked his dad for the fourteenth time.

Jerry, chin cupped in his hand as he gazed at Rick, sighed. “If it is, I never want the punchline to come.”

“Gay,” Summer decided.

“Aw, Summer, w-w-we can spend time together too!” Doofus Rick flung his arms wide open. “I can have fun with everyone, no need to fight.”

They all, with the exception of Jerry, stared at him again.

“Morty first,” Summer and Beth said.

Morty swallowed his cereal.

 

“Sorry I can't take you out on any sorts of adventures,” Doofus Rick said as they walked into the garage, “I'm under strict orders from the council of Ricks not to take you off-planet. B-but there's plenty of fun to be had right here!”

Morty eyed Doofus Rick warily, ready to run at any moment.

“Right...” he said slowly, “well, it's not really Rick-business, but...I could sure use help on my homework.”

Doofus Rick hung his head. “Aww, m-Morty, I'm sure you've already heard this, b-but as far as Ricks go, I'm k-kinda dumb.”

“Well, I guess that's okay...” Morty said, “because Gr...C-137 Rick is, like, too smart for homework, I think.”

“Yup! The Rickiest Rick for the Mortiest Morty.” Doofus Rick hit his temple with the palm of his hand. “What am I saying, of course I'll help you. That way we'll both learn!”

After fifteen minutes, Morty was forced to reevaluate what “stupid” meant coming from Rick.

“...and now just multiply a-across the top and the bottom!” Doofus Rick grinned. “Boy, this isn't so bad. Are you sure this is high-school math?”

“Y-yeah.” Morty gave a little laugh and stared at the page.

Doofus Rick's grin wilted.

“Aww, I bet you miss your Rick, huh? W-well, just because we can't go on adventures, doesn't mean we can't go on _adventures_ , am I right?”

And an hour later, after training three colonies of ants to build a Mount Rushmore of their heads, Morty was inclined to agree.

 

Beth tried not to stare as she wiped the kitchen counter down. Her ersatz father was smiling at everything, which was more unnerving than his near-Rickness.

“B-b-boy, Beth, you sure are a genius.” Rick sipped his mug. “Darn good coffee. C-137 Rick sure is one lucky guy.”

Beth gave an unconvincing chuckle. “Oh sure, he...yeah.”

“Boy, I bet you had the best time growing up. I bet you had all sorts of fun with your Rick, huh?”

Beth left the room crying.

 

“—and then he left me on this asteroid, and when he came back I think he switched me with another Jerry,” Jerry babbled as they raced slot cars around a track. “He gave the ticket to Morty to hold, can you believe it? That kid could drop a velcro...superglue...anyway, he dropped it.”

“Aw, J-Jerry, you should be so hard on the little guy.” Rick fidgeted. “So, d-d-did you like it? The Jerryboree?”

“Well...a little, I guess.” Jerry sighed. “I mean, I didn't like being palmed off on some weird alien nanny—”

“W-was it the staff? Or the ball pit? C-cause there's always room for improvement.”

Jerry slowly turned to Rick. “You...did you found the Jerryboree?”

Doofus Rick was fidgeting, slot car forgotten. “Did you like it? C-c-cause you were talking about how you get pulled along on a-all this alien business and I know you hate being hassled—”

Jerry grabbed him into another hug, remote dropping into the path of a car and causing it to jump the tracks and crash into the Lego Death Star they had just built.

“Oh,” he said, “it's perfect. You should visit sometimes.”

Doofus Rick's smile grew and he hugged back.

 

“Come _on_ , can't anyone drop me off at the mall?” Summer groused. Beth had left on a wine run, Jerry was constructing a Lego Temple of Doom and Doofus Rick and Morty were playing Echo the Groundhog.

“oooOOooh Summer, I'll take you!” Doofus Rick's hand shot up into the air.

Summer studied him warily. “But aren't you like...busy?”

“Doing what?”

“Like, literally anything else?”

“Aww, Morty here c-can play single player, can't ya Morty?”

Morty, tongue tucked in the corner of his mouth in concentration, grunted.

“S-see?”

Summer shouldered her purse, trying to think of believable excuses for why any family member but Rick should give her a ride.

She looked at his doofy, hopeful grin and gave up.

“Oh b-boy, you have malls here, too?” Doofus Rick was looking out the window of the saucer, hovering just above the rooftops.

“Uh yeah. Sure. Hey, you can actually set me down on the block before the mall...or across town.”

“Aw, Summer, I don't want y-you to walk too far. Besides, how c-c-cool will your friends think you are when they see you chillaxin' in an Unidentified Fun Object!”

Summer was eyeing the eject button when the saucer touched down in front of the mall. Thank all the gods and a few aliens none of her friends were standing by. She quickly unbuckled and opened the door.

“Okay thanks, by doof...I mean, Grampa Rick.”

Doofus Rick's eyes got a little shiny.

“Okay Summer, have a g-great time!” he belched “Summer rules” as the hatch slammed shut behind her.

Summer slowed to a stop at the entrance.

She turned around and waved.

Rick beeped the horn twice, waited until she went inside, and then took off.

 

The wine glass wouldn't sit still. The kitchen was swimming. Everything was working against Beth pouring another glass, but she managed. Mostly.

“Hi...Beth?”

That hesitant, cowed tone that she never heard from her father. The hint of apology. She _loathed_ it.

“I h-hope I d-didn't s-say anything too...anyway, Jerry said you liked this.”

She turned around and found Doofus Rick holding a small bucket mint chocolate ice cream and smiling with those...those teeth.

Beth burst out laughing and sank to the floor, hands at her middle. Doofus Rick laughed uncertainly along.

“Oh God,” she said, “it's all so...so...” she belched.

Doofus Rick smiled and belched too.

They smiled at each other.

Rick held up the bucket.

Beth held up two spoons.

 

Jerry walked into the living room, polishing a C-3PO silver dollar. “Hey Amigo, how's about we get started on that final Indiana Jones Lego set?”

“I've got a better idea, how about I go shave my balls and have you dunk them in powdered sugar?”

Jerry halted.

The familiar, lab coated figure stood facing away from him. The back of the head looked like the points of a starfish, not an overturned pudding bowl.

“...Rick? I mean... _our_ Rick?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, don't sound too surprised.” Rick kept his face pressed to a handheld screen, sounding unimpressed by Jerry's revelation.

“How's...when did he leave?”

“Who, ya mean numbnuts? Yeah, y-your best buddy decided it was better this way. That way he wouldn't get too... _emotional_.” Rick rolled the word in his mouth like a bad oyster.

“Oh...” Jerry sighed.

“Oh, and also, he said to tell you ' _a new slide's going in._ ' Whatever that means.”

Jerry gulped.

Rick pressed a series of buttons and turned to exit the room.

“ Hey, ah...Rick?”

Rick grunted, eyes on the screen.

“D... _Other_ Rick said that the council of Ricks said you asked for him personally.”

“Hmm? Oh yeah.” Rick stretched casually. “He was the one Rick I could count on not to get all up in my shit while I was gone. I mean, with an IQ that low, he wouldn't even know what to steal.”

“Oh.” Jerry thought a bit. “well...thank you.”

Rick lifted a shoulder and walked out of the room, conspicuously keeping his face turned away from Jerry.

Jerry went back to polishing his coins, whistling a little.

 


End file.
